Firstly, let me begin this post by stating that my decision to write
about this particular topic was influenced by my discussions with other
post-collegiates as well as my own experiences. While I do want to
continue this blog with more upbeat posts regarding my life and all the
upcoming, exciting things I get to take part in (i.e. sketch comedy
channel, vlog etc.) I believe that this is an extremely important topic
to address; both for my own sake as well as others who might be taking
that leap from college to the "real world". It is not my intention for this post to make others fearful of life after college, or go on a whining spree. Quite the contrary, it is my intention to offer up my own experiences in the hopes that it might provide people some insight on how to battle post-college depression.
There is no denying how great it feels to walk up to the stage in your commencement ceremony and receive your diploma. After all, it is an entire day devoted to giving you the validation you deserve for writing endless essays, surviving countless exams, and living off of the vending machine at all hours of the night while you study, study, study....
But what about AFTER you graduate?
During my junior year of college, I recall asking many a senior (my roommate included) how it felt to know that, in a month or two, they would be done. This was usually the response I got: "Well, I don't know... I kinda don't want to leave because that means I gotta start paying back those loans hahaha!"
I gotta admit... at the time I thought they were crazy. Who would want to stay in school when when you could live in the real world and not have to worry about projects, essay or midterms? Sure, paying back loans sucked, but at least you had the time to start pursuing your dreams on your own terms. Well, having graduated in May 2014, I now understand the fear those seniors had when confronted with the idea of transitioning from student to graduate.
I cant pinpoint exactly when the depression started as life after graduating proved to be a bit of a whirlwind experience. Since graduating and moving out of my childhood home, I have moved not once, not twice, but THREE times. I also had to quit THREE jobs along the way, with my first full-time job proving to be a bait-and-switch type of experience. And don't even get me started about how it felt when that first loan bill arrived...
Needless to say, after a while, I started to feel pretty useless. It didn't take me long to figure out that having a degree doesn't mean that everything will automatically fall into place. Don't get me wrong, I certainly didn't expect to get a great job right away...I'm not that naive. What I didn't expect was just how draining job searching can be. I was applying to what I estimate to be between 50-100 job postings a week. I was going (and in some cases sprinting) from interview to interview trying to market myself to people I had never met before. With every rejection email I received, I began to feel my confidence and self-esteem being chipped away.
The fear of failure kept me awake at night, and sometimes even invaded my dreams and transforming them into nightmares. I had many panic attacks which would cripple me for hours on end. There are still some days when I struggle to get out of bed, and as time goes by, I expect there will be more days when everything just feels hopeless. These types of feelings take their toll in a variety of ways. Just a month ago in fact, I discovered something new...stress rashes. That's right, a RASH...from STRESS.
(source)
In trying to make sense of these feelings I was experiencing, I went to the place most people go when searching for answers...Google. What I discovered during my internet perusal was that post-college depression results from what many people refer to as a "Quarter Life Crisis".
The two biggest pillars of this crisis that I related to the most are:
Needless to say, after a while, I started to feel pretty useless. It didn't take me long to figure out that having a degree doesn't mean that everything will automatically fall into place. Don't get me wrong, I certainly didn't expect to get a great job right away...I'm not that naive. What I didn't expect was just how draining job searching can be. I was applying to what I estimate to be between 50-100 job postings a week. I was going (and in some cases sprinting) from interview to interview trying to market myself to people I had never met before. With every rejection email I received, I began to feel my confidence and self-esteem being chipped away.
The fear of failure kept me awake at night, and sometimes even invaded my dreams and transforming them into nightmares. I had many panic attacks which would cripple me for hours on end. There are still some days when I struggle to get out of bed, and as time goes by, I expect there will be more days when everything just feels hopeless. These types of feelings take their toll in a variety of ways. Just a month ago in fact, I discovered something new...stress rashes. That's right, a RASH...from STRESS.
(source)
In trying to make sense of these feelings I was experiencing, I went to the place most people go when searching for answers...Google. What I discovered during my internet perusal was that post-college depression results from what many people refer to as a "Quarter Life Crisis".
The two biggest pillars of this crisis that I related to the most are:
1. Long-held expectations not being met:
I cannot even begin to tell you how many of my professors and my career advisers raved about the ocean of opportunities that awaited me once I got my degree. Now, whenever someone asks me "Whats going on with your career?" I have to fight the urge to curl up into a ball of despair. The ocean of opportunities it turns out, is more like a shallow puddle.
2. Reinventing your identity:
For many years, my entire identity was centered on the fact that I was a student. I woke up, went to classes, did my schoolwork and, if I was lucky, went to sleep at a decent hour. My world, and my identity revolved around this cycle. With a rigorous schedule keeping me busy, I didn't have time to really look closely at who I was and what I wanted out of life. Now that I have an surplus of time on my hands, there is more time for introspection. After college, you realize that you are a blank canvas...a realization that inspires both joy and fear.
This isn't to say that I haven't enjoyed life after college. Gaining this new independence brought with it some great experiences. For a while, I had the opportunity to live with some of my closest friends, something I always looked forward to doing. Not being weighed down by schoolwork has also allowed me the time to explore what I really wanted to do with my life. I know they say that college is the best time you have for self-exploration but, for me and many others I know, this isn't the case.
So what's my advice for surviving life after college?
1. Prepare for cold hard slap of reality
When you leave college, prepare for rejection, prepare for waiting long periods of time (sometimes weeks) to hear back from a potential employee after an interview. Prepare for breakdowns, prepare for disappointment, prepare to let certain opportunities pass by...but, most importantly, prepare for success when it happens.
2. Don't rush to take the first job offer you get
Its a mistake I myself have made, and one I came to regret. I ended up rushing to take the first offer I got out of fear that another one might not come along. Although the job had good pay and good benefits, I was miserable. When I called my mother to ask her advice , this is what she had to say: "Hayleigh, imagine if someone offered you a job that paid a lot of money and had amazing benefits...now imagine that your employer tells you in exchange for these benefits, you have to kill puppies, would you take that job? Would the good benefits be enough to keep you there? "
My mother has a blunt but effective way of putting things in perspective...
The point I am trying to make here is do what makes you happy.
3. Its ok to live at home for a while
If you can afford to live on your own (or with roommates) do it. However, if you cant afford it don't be ashamed to return back to the nest. Take it from someone whose moved a lot in the past few months. I could have saved myself a lot of frustration, (not to mention money) if I had just swallowed my pride and went back home to live with my parents. Forget the stigma. You'll probably have the last laugh anyway when all your friends are complaining to you about their apartment expenses and your sitting in your room balancing a bowl of your mom's delicious homemade lasagna on your belly.
4. Exercise
I hate to say it, but exercising really does help you deal with post-college depression and stress. For my own sanity I've been jogging on the weekends. So get out there and start sweating!
5. Find something to invest your time into
When I say find something to invest in, I'm not talking about the stock market or romantic relationships, I'm talking about exploring the stuff that really really makes you happy. For me, its working on my Vlog/Blog. It keeps me busy and it allows me to explore who I am without any outside pressure. For you, that may be cooking, rock climbing, painting etc. Whatever you choose to do, set some time aside to do it regularly and make sure its something you really enjoy. Who knows? You may be able to make a career out of it.
In short, realize that even though life after college can leave you feeling depressed, stressed and just plain exhausted, its just one point in your life. In order for a stone to get polished, it has to be tossed around and removed of its rougher edges. I know how hard it is to be optimistic when you first enter the real world. As I said before, I'm sure their will still be days when I become overwhelmed by feelings of failure. When this happens though, I will try to remember the words of one of my favorite animated characters...
"Just keep swimming"
-Hayleigh
P.S. If you want to know what articles I found most helpful in writing this post click here, here and here.
.
So what's my advice for surviving life after college?
1. Prepare for cold hard slap of reality
When you leave college, prepare for rejection, prepare for waiting long periods of time (sometimes weeks) to hear back from a potential employee after an interview. Prepare for breakdowns, prepare for disappointment, prepare to let certain opportunities pass by...but, most importantly, prepare for success when it happens.
2. Don't rush to take the first job offer you get
Its a mistake I myself have made, and one I came to regret. I ended up rushing to take the first offer I got out of fear that another one might not come along. Although the job had good pay and good benefits, I was miserable. When I called my mother to ask her advice , this is what she had to say: "Hayleigh, imagine if someone offered you a job that paid a lot of money and had amazing benefits...now imagine that your employer tells you in exchange for these benefits, you have to kill puppies, would you take that job? Would the good benefits be enough to keep you there? "
My mother has a blunt but effective way of putting things in perspective...
The point I am trying to make here is do what makes you happy.
3. Its ok to live at home for a while
If you can afford to live on your own (or with roommates) do it. However, if you cant afford it don't be ashamed to return back to the nest. Take it from someone whose moved a lot in the past few months. I could have saved myself a lot of frustration, (not to mention money) if I had just swallowed my pride and went back home to live with my parents. Forget the stigma. You'll probably have the last laugh anyway when all your friends are complaining to you about their apartment expenses and your sitting in your room balancing a bowl of your mom's delicious homemade lasagna on your belly.
4. Exercise
I hate to say it, but exercising really does help you deal with post-college depression and stress. For my own sanity I've been jogging on the weekends. So get out there and start sweating!
5. Find something to invest your time into
When I say find something to invest in, I'm not talking about the stock market or romantic relationships, I'm talking about exploring the stuff that really really makes you happy. For me, its working on my Vlog/Blog. It keeps me busy and it allows me to explore who I am without any outside pressure. For you, that may be cooking, rock climbing, painting etc. Whatever you choose to do, set some time aside to do it regularly and make sure its something you really enjoy. Who knows? You may be able to make a career out of it.
In short, realize that even though life after college can leave you feeling depressed, stressed and just plain exhausted, its just one point in your life. In order for a stone to get polished, it has to be tossed around and removed of its rougher edges. I know how hard it is to be optimistic when you first enter the real world. As I said before, I'm sure their will still be days when I become overwhelmed by feelings of failure. When this happens though, I will try to remember the words of one of my favorite animated characters...
"Just keep swimming"
-Hayleigh
P.S. If you want to know what articles I found most helpful in writing this post click here, here and here.
.
Wonderfully insightful! Thank you for your candor.
ReplyDeleteThank you very much! :)
DeleteI'm graduating in May. This was a great realistic post and very helpful. I relate so much about my time revolving around my school life and schedule. Without that, even on Christmas breaks, I went a little stir crazy. My small loans and the lack of hiring employers (even though I live in a tourist-driven city) helps to keep me a bit realistic. The worries and depression has already set in though. I wish you success this year! :)
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for the lovely words! I'm glad you found it helpful. Just remember, if there comes a time when those worries start getting the best of you, try channeling that energy into something you love. I wish you all the luck as well and congrats on graduating! Its a huge milestone and one worth celebrating :)
Delete