May Thoughts: Graduation and Being Kind to Yourself

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It's hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that just one year ago yesterday, May 17th,  I was walking in my college graduation ceremony; my head filled with aspirations as well as fear. At the time, I honestly had no idea what I, or my life, would be like a year from that point.
 Lets recap, shall we? 
Over the past year I have moved a total of three times, left two jobs, and had countless meltdowns along the way. The first 6 to 8 months after graduation felt like an endless April, where mayhem and mishaps rained upon me like I was sitting under a permanent thundercloud. I had a wonderful support system to guide me through it, but I still wondered if there would every come a day when the storm would clear.
Thankfully, that day finally came... slowly, but it eventually arrived.
 I learned very quickly after college that its good to have a life infused with a certain amount of unpredictability. A little variety is what makes life fun. However, I also learned that "unpredictability" loses it's luster very quickly when you have no solid foundation on which to stand. Ultimately, I succeeded in my fight to achieve my independence.Hurray! In hindsight though, I realize that I was a bit harsh with myself along the way...something I have come to regret. My decisions were my own, but nevertheless I agonized over the smallest things. The hardest thing was dealing with the fact that even the best laid plans can slide through your fingertips like sand.  

No one can prepare you for what life will be like after college; granted, they say the same thing about having a child for the first time. I find that to be an incredible coincidence, especially considering that once you graduate college, its up to you to, essentially, "raise yourself." Sure, your parents can help you with certain things, but ultimately it's YOUR job to make sure you pay your college loans on time, to make sure you take your car in for routine maintenance, to wake yourself up before you sleep through your alarm in the morning, and to get yourself to your job interview on time.

I know that last paragraph came off as lecture-y. I don't mean for it to be. After all, in case you didn't notice from the picture at the beginning of this post, the overall message is not to push yourself to perfection.That is impossible to achieve and don't bother even trying. Its just not going to happen. Also, after college I wasted countless hours comparing my success (or lackthereof) to others in my age group. Don't bother doing that either. It wont do you any good. The one thing I want you, dear reader, to take from this post is that, once you find yourself in the process of "adulting' as they say, there will be times when you need to give yourself a swift kick in the butt and there will be many more times where you need to be gentle with yourself.  Be gentle with yourself for not doing the dishes right away and opting for takeout a bit too much, be gentle with yourself for letting the laundry pile up in that corner while you focus on adjusting your resume for the hundredth time, Be gentle with yourself for not always landing that job interview, be gentle with yourself when you see on social media how well your other classmates are doing, be gentle with yourself when you lie awake at night and cry because it all gets to be a little too much...

But mostly dear reader, remember, don't stop trying, because part of being gentle with yourself is holding on to the fact that your happiness is important and its worth fighting for.

Much Love,
Hayleigh